she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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