That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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