i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
