forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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