best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
