i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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