I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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