my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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