i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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