Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
