i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
