Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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