If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
