I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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