boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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