I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
