Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
