Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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