I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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