3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.