So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.