Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.