Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional