Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
