I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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