Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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