nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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