I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat