I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
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Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party