I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?