Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
