Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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