You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize