I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
