The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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