I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.