Betty ford says i'm here all night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death