ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.