I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass