I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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