Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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