She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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