I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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