It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
