got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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