she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize