Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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