I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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