You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
