dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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