So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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