oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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