What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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