I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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