apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
