Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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