there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
