I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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