you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
